I won the Lottery!

I was waiting patiently. My palms were sweating like crazy. My heart was beating furiously. My knees were shaking uncontrolably. I was breathing fast and nervous. My anticipation was too overwhelming to comprehend. And I can't take my eyes off the small balls bearing familiar numbers in the raffle drum as they were dropped there one after another.

Everything happened so fast. The world stood still as the host repeated the 6 numbers drawn. I had to pinch myself to focus. I finally had the common sense to look at the paper I was holding since the lottery numbers were drawn that night. I had to look at the paper to make sure that it has the right numbers that were called out. And YES! The numbers on the paper I was holding were the exact numbers that won the jackpot.

I WON THE JACKPOT! I won 55 million dollars!

THEN... I WOKE UP!

Damn dream! I tried to go back to sleep to recall the numbers so I can bet on them for real. I tried to go back to bed to dream it again but I failed. I tried to close my eyes so tight trying to search my brain of any hint of recorded numbers from the dream that I just had... but I wasn't successful. I tried to lie down again hoping that I will be able to remember at least 5 numbers but I only came up with 1 and 17, but still I wasn't sure enough that those two numbers were the ones I saw in my dream. Then, I gave up.

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I never remember any of my dreams. Who does, anyway? Most of my dreams are fragments of things I never have any recollections of. Dreams that are constantly bugging me in my deepest sleep… dreams that are continuously giving me vague clue of the past or perhaps the future… dreams that are persistently waking me up in the middle of the night giving me yet another unsolved puzzles to my existence.

What are dreams made of? Why are they so haunting yet fascinating? Why are they so persistent yet intriguing? Why are they so gripping yet elusive? I never remember any of my dreams. Maybe I will never will.

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the sower and the fruit

The circle of life is an amazing cycle of God's miracle. Trying to understand it makes it more interesting if not more incomprehensible because the more I try to understand life, the more I get confused. Its mystery never ceases to amaze me. And its enigma never stops captivating me.

Everyone has a chance to experience life in all sizes and shapes. And just like other people I got the chance to see life in different angles.

As a DAUGHTER... my parents taught me how to make the right choices and to take a stand for the consequences of the choices I made.

As a SISTER... I was blessed with two brothers who shared with me a happy childhood full of happy memories. They are my partners-in-crime and together we grew up into responsible human beings bonded not only by blood but by the love, loyalty, trust, respect and common sense that mom and dad showed us.

As a FRIEND... I have challenged myself to deal with other people outside my family. It taught me the skill to relate to other people with the same confidence I had with my own family. The trust, respect, and loyalty that I learned from home was strengthened and made solid though my personal interaction with other people.

As a WORKER and a CO-WORKER... I was able to value work without prejudice. I have learned that dedication and hard work are the basic ingredients for a by-product.

As an EDUCATOR... I was able to teach the values that I strongly uphold and was able to learn other important values from my students as well. I did not only teach them what I know but they taught me more than what I know about life.

As a WIFE... I am now learning to understand the value of sharing and selflessness. Having a partner is not just having someone to go home to or to share your food with... or having someone who will pay your bills and buy you what you want... or someone to fight and nag... or someone to clean up your mess... but it is having someone to celebrate life with.

As a HUMAN BEING... I am always grateful to the ONE who put me here... the ONE who never stops watering the earth to make the seed grow. The ONE who is patient when I am snapping. The ONE who is loving when I am hating. The ONE who is waiting when I am procrastinating. The ONE who is rejoicing when I am laughing.

I have learned a lot of hard lessons in life, both good and bad. And for the past 42 years of my existence I went through a lot of trials that I know have made me become the kind of person that I am now. I did have my fair share of life's ups and downs. And with each rising and falling, a new lesson is learned... a new meaning is defined... a new blessing is given. There might have been times when I hate or dislike what I see.. feel... think and I back-slided every chance I get from my personal conviction. But SOMEONE never gives up on me... so I did not have the chance to give up too. As what the late Fr. Rene Cosico told me once when I was complaining about life - "Grow where you are planted.", I learned how to turn the situation to my advantage. It was not always easy but trying makes the difference. It taught me not just patience but resilience.

Every sunrise and every sunset is a challenge that I face everyday of my life. And every moment is a chance for me to grow... to learn... to rejoice... to trust... to love.

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moments like these

I take advantage of rare opportunities for fear that they will not come again.

I know about the saying “opportunity knocks only once”. And so I need to heed it.

In my experience, a lot of wasted opportunities passed me by because I was scared too. I was scared of change. I was afraid of indifference. I was terrified of responsibilities.

But I have changed.

I am more daring now.

I am braver.

I am bolder.

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the rotten apple

"I got some apples for you... and the deer, Sweetie." my hubby announced one afternoon as he handed me the bag of apples. I ate them all in 4 days.

One morning, as I was about to do the laundry I found this white big box with the pictures and the word "vegetables" on it stacked on top of a box filled with old toys. I opened the box and found lots of bruised and almost rotten apples. No wonder the cellar was soaked in apple scent for the whole week. I was jealous of the deer because they got a big box and I only got a peck.

That afternoon, I found my hubby standing by the box with a plastic bag full of apples [to be fed to the deer outback ] on one hand and munching an apple on the other. I was horrified because I know the apple was no longer good to eat. I tried to stop him but he only gave me a shrug and said... "Nah, they are not all rotten, there are still some that are good, you only have to look."

Prejudice - everyone is guilty! Isn't it easy to judge a person by what we see on the outside than what is inside his heart? Isn't it easier to scratch the surface than dig underneath? Isn't it easiest to blame someone for the wrong thing he did than to admit our own mistakes?

We are not fruits. We are not vegetables. We are human beings. Sin is not contagious. It is only the consequence of our wrong choices and our wrong judgment. There is no way that a sinner will be able to make us a sinner too, unless we allow it. We have the freedom to make choices... so let's make the right one.

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give and take

The best thing about Karma is that... it is not retroactive. If you did something wrong to someone, you won't get punished right away. Sometimes it takes years and years and you tend to forget about it and when something bad happen to you... you just say... "I had a bad luck."

The best thing about Karma is that... it is transferable. If you did something wrong to someone, sometimes other people are paying for it... like your kid dropping out from school and enrolling to a rehab.

The best thing about Karma is that... it is negotiable. If you did something wrong to someone, you can just write a check so he won't press charges.

I do believe in Karma... the golden rule... and the stairways to heaven. Doing good to others is not only a matter of.... do-good-now-and-get-rewarded-later... it is a matter of living life the right way.

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